August 2009


It’s just unbelievable.

One of the slackest, laziest, most whiny guys I’ve ever known in my life made it to Duke.

Before I could have even gotten over the shock of news some years ago when his other lazy, whiny, joker-cum-slacker friend got into the local medical school.

Seriously. Two of the slackest guys in my class are potential doctors in the making. What does this tell? Yes, my class was very smart. There is no question in that. But do you know that save a couple of us including me who have never ever aspired to dorn the white robes, the rest of the class actually dreamt to be doctors? Even with straight As for more than half the class at “A” levels, barely half made it to the interview and ultimately only a handful successfully got into the medical school the following year.

Is there no QC for our saviours in white coats?  

This perhaps goes to prove that people do change for the better (that is, if going to Duke means improvement) with time, even men. And that I shouldn’t be so judgemental with the opposite sex. A slacker in the past doesn’t mean that he will remain one forever. There may come a day when he finally wakes up and unleashes his full potential.

Then again, does he score more points now that he’s in Duke?

Not really. A white coat doesn’t turn me on.

Give me a toolbox any day. 

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The happiest piece of news today was hearing that he would be around more often.

See you around, baby.

Friends have been asking me about the roti prata.

So I just want to say that it was not delicious at all.

Now it’s quiz time, people. Sharpen your 2B pencils, sweep that wood shaving under your friend’s chair, get ready and the quiz starts now.

There’s only one question though.

For memes like what follows, what would you expect from someone who listens to hip-hop and R&B, and stuff all those into a mp3 player together with a twist of soft rock, a sniff of sweet pop and a little pinch of heavy metal?

Easy. You get rubbish answers. Just read on.  

1. Put your iTunes on “shuffle”.
2. For each question, skip to the next song to get your answer. You must use the title of that song as your answer, no matter how silly it may sound.

1. What would you say if someone were to say, “Is this o.k.?”
“So into you” / Ashanti
 
(I’m not that easy!)

2. What do you like in a guy / girl?
“Feel Good Inc” / Gorillaz

(Well, as long as it feels good…)

3. How do you feel today?
“Switch” / Will Smith

(Welcome to my world of bipolar mood disorder)

4. What is your life’s purpose?
“Tilt your head” / Nelly ft Christina Aguilera

(Yes, that’s important, if you get what I mean )

5. What is your motto?
“More than words” / Frankie J

(True, actions speak louder than words)

6. What do your friends think of you?
“Gangsta Loving” / Alicia Keys ft Eve

(This tells a lot!)

7. What do you think of your parents?
“You are beautiful” / James Blunt

(Seriously, it can’t be more apt)

8. What do you often think about?
“Candy Shop” / 50 cents

(Funny if you know what this song is about!)

9. What is 2 + 2?
“Hate it or love it” / 50 cents

(This has a strange yet logical mathematical feel to it)

10. What do you think of your best friend?
“How we do” / G-unit

(I have absolutely no explanation for this. But I swear it’s not bad)

11. What do you think of the person you like?
“Drop it like it’s hot” / Snoop dog

(Again, straight to the point!)

12. What is your life story?
“Sunday Morning” / Maroon 5

(Yes, most of the best moments in life were spent on Sunday mornings)

13. What do you want to be when you grow up?
“Crazy in love” / Beyonce

(Haha!)

14. What comes to mind when you see the person you like?
“Goodbye my lover” / James Blunt

(That’s so melancholic..)

15. What do your parents think of you?
“Golder digger” / Kanye West

(I kid you not! This came out and I was like, woah, my parents don’t think of me this way!)

16. What will you dance to at your wedding?
“Hips don’t lie” /Shakira

(It will be a party!)

17. What will they play at your funeral?
“Temperature” / Sean Paul

(This will be a party too!)

18. What is your hobby / interest?
“Signs”/ Snoop Dog ft JT

(I don’t know and am not interested in learning sign language)

9. What do you think of your friends?
“What’s Luv” / Ashanti

(Hmm…)

20. What is the worst that could happen?
“Touch the sky” / Kanye West

(You mean, drop from the sky..)

21. How will you die?
“Ass like that” / Eminem

(I will die with a huge ass? Or squashed to death by someone else’s huge ass?)

22. What is the one thing you regret most?
“You make me wanna” / Usher

23. What makes you laugh?
“Over and over” / Nelly

(This is not answering the question)

24. What makes you cry?
“Overnight celebrity” / Twista

(You mean, if I become one?)

25. Will you ever get married?
“Lonely” / Akon

(It’s Goodbye, My Lover, so of course, I will be Lonely. Damn, Akon!)

26. What scares you the most?
“Yo (Excuse me, Miss)” / Chris Brown

(Hmm lousy pickup lines?)

27. Does anyone like you?
“Tokyo Drift” / Teriyaki boys

(Hmm, I wonder if we know?)

28. If you could go back in time, what would you change?
“Tipsy” / J-kwon

(Yes, I want to erase that birthday when I got real drunk)

29. What hurts right now?
“Jesus walk” / Kanye West

30. What will you post this as?
“SOS (Rescue me)” / Rihanna

(Yes, I will need help if all I want to be when I grow up is to be Crazy In Love, and I want to Drop It Like It’s Hot with him, but then I have to say to him Goodbye My Lover and be Lonely all my life. I wonder if it’s because he thinks that I’m a Gold Digger?)

When I was young, I always thought that I had normal parents, just like any other kid in school. Then as I grew older and started talking more about my parents and family life with my friends, realization dawned upon me. As always, the truth ain’t always going to be pretty. Mine ain’t too bad; it was just..well, odd. Because my parents are certainly an odd kind.

Firstly, my mum has never used any cane on us. How strange is that for a Singaporean parent? In fact, we have never bought a single cane in our lives. Except sugar cane drinks. And Christmas candy canes. Sure, you can beat the crap out of someone using a sturdy sugar cane, or blind someone in the eyes with a candy cane, but my mum sure never used those on us either! When I first laid my eyes on a cane in one of my kindergarten school friends’ home and heard of its formidability from them, it was almost like Columbus discovering America in 1942. Except that Columbus was probably a lot more excited and delighted, unlike my friends who tried to hide canes in everywhere feasible. Like in the fridge, under the cupboard, behind the television or, hell with fines and imprisonment (we were too young to be legally judged anyway – it would be our parents who had gotten the fines and sentences), throw the canes out of the window. In the 1980s and early 1990s, pedestrians were more likely to be killed by canes falling from the tenth storey than cars on the road.

When friends were getting their lives beaten out of them during childhood, mine was spent in parks and beaches, riding bicycles, strolling leisurely, running freely, building sand castles and dungeons, picking sea shells and whats not. I didn’t exactly have a very normal childhood, thanks to my strange parents. No wonder that I grew up weird.

My dad? My old man thinks that Chucky is a really hilarious movie and Chucky is a really funny doll who runs after people with a knife. Chucky, his bride and seed, the whole Chucky gang makes him laugh like mad. If you think that this is strange, hold on for a minute – my dad doesn’t even know English.

Just last Sunday, there I was sitting in the living room doing my work on my laptop and watching the TV at the same time. My parents were both watching Crime Watch. They LOVE Crime Watch. I just watch whatever’s on the set when I’m free. After ten minutes into the show, I suddenly realized what was so strange about the scene. They were watching Crime Watch on Channel 5. In English. My parents were discussing about the case (the Spiderman case – the guy who lived in a condominium and robbed his neighbours by climbing into their apartments through the windows) ardently.

So I laughed and said to them (in Mandarin, of course), “What are you guys watching? Do you understand what they are saying?”  

To which my mum replied in earnest, “Yes, I’m reading the subtitles.”

The subtitles, in case you were wondering, were in English too.

And my dad, trying to be funny as usual, jested, “I understand what they are saying!”

My dad must understand Tamil as well then because sometimes he will watch Vasantham.

Whenever we’ve our monthly team meetings, which usually take place on Fridays, the minute taker of the meeting is also in charge of getting breakfast for the entire team. There are twelve of us on the team, so everyone gets a chance to be the chairperson for a month and take minutes for another month.

For this month’s meeting, my boss is taking the minutes. Guess what she’s getting us for breakfast?

Yes, roti prata.

Does she read my blog? I’m scared.

I call my boss the Roti Prata Woman.

Because she changes her mind faster than the Indian roti prata man flipping his prata.

Damn irritating.

I mean my boss, not the roti prata man. I like roti prata.

And she just roti prataed me just now.

Cha Cha Cha (that’s what it sounds like what I bleep my own vulgarity)

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