because a zillion things have been zooming through my mind recently and it is exceedingly difficult to pin-point just one to spin out into a blog entry. Perhaps it’s the year end, a time to reflect upon the year and thyself. Maybe it’s because there’s not much work keeping my mind occupied as with every December.
I’ve been thinking a fair bit – of my life, myself, what I want, what I want to persist doing, what I should perhaps start doing, whether I’m satisfied and happy, what I can do to make myself happier. If you think that I’m just thinking about myself and no one else, being individualistic and all, maybe you will be glad to know that I’ve also been thinking about my family, my parents, my sisters, my friends. I ponder if I’ve been fulfilling my role as a child, a sister and a friend. I don’t push myself all out just to make them happy, I don’t always put them way before myself, but I do want to make them happy (though the bland, selfish truth is that making them happy makes me happy). Just that I don’t want to sacrifise too much of my own happiness in the process. I’m striking a balance but I do want to see if I can push the point of equilibrium more towards them, without tipping the entire balance and crashing myself to Earth.
Maybe it’s because I’m facing the frightful 26 next year. As my sisters ever-so-kindly pointed out, “Now you are nearer to 30 than to 20” and “You’re in your late 20s!” Damn. Counting down to the big 30 and one foot in the grave is definitely a wake-up call – “Not much time left to waste!” No time left feeling unsatisfied, no time left to procrastinate or lament, no time left wallowing in misery and self-pity, no time left for just words, words, words and no action.
There isn’t as much time as you think you have. And no, there’s no such thing as a next life where you can carry forward your unfinished business from your current life and settle them in your next one! It doesn’t work like annual leave! It’s now or never!
I sound like an active, always-on-my-feet kind of doer, don’t I? But in reality, I’m just a laidback city dweller who loves to sit and watch, with a cup of tea in one hand, as the crazy zombie-like city people scurry about with their hectic daily schedules, trying to overload themselves to death with activities or trying hard to look busy because looking free looks useless. I just do what I want. Which ironically can be quite a lot sometimes. I prefer to go on my long winding road to seek knowledge, wisdom and inner peace when others claw their way to the cash. But city versus countryside? I’ll grab the city anytime. I can probably survive with the cows, sheep, green pasture, garden fences and cottages for a month. Thereafter I would need my wireless Internet, my blog, Gmail, iGoogle and YouTube.
I can do without Facebook though.