I am still watching my “Sex and the City” and now I can understand all the hype about it because I’m totally hooked. I’m currently halfway through Season Two and something in the second episode “The Awful Truth” caught my attention. To give you a gist, basically Carrie had a good friend who had a verbally abusive husband. He shouted and snapped at her constantly and she finally got fed up. She asked Carrie if she should leave him because she really felt like, and Carrie agreed (although I thought it was merely for the sake of agreeing and was without much thought into it), which her three girlfriends thought was a stupid move thereafter.

Miranda: Telling your friend to leave her husband is something you just don’t do.
Samantha: If she does break up with him, its your fault. If she doesn’t break up with him, she knows that you think that she should and, therefore can never speak to you again. Either way you’re screwed.

Well then, I must have been screwed at least twice.

I have never told my friends to leave their boyfriends, but if she starts having second thoughts about the relationship seriously, when the guy starts mistreating my friend, makes her weep and breaks her fragile heart more than often, the moment she reveals to me that she wants to break up with the guy, I will be the first one to stand up and raise both my hands in agreement. I will be the one who supports her decision, no matter how difficult it is for her, reminds her that she’s doing the right thing, that she deserves better and that the right one will come soon.

And I always mean what I say, which I always give plenty of thought to before letting it out of my mouth. No girl or even human being deserves to be treated with any less respect, especially from someone who claims to love you. You will only be, if you let yourself be. And by mistreating, I don’t mean the guy standing her up at a date or forgetting her birthday. It will never be any minor mistake which makes me nod my head in agreement to their breakup. I know that many people are afraid to let go partly because they are scared that the next one may never come along. What if this is the right one? They will bombard themselves with a dozen similiar questions. For me, I think that you can only embrace another person after you let this one go.

Why? Maybe because I believe all the ancient mushy bullshit where someone once said that “No man is worth your tears, and the one who is won’t make you cry”. Maybe because I was brought up by parents who are as different as you can get and yet never make each other cry. Hell, they have never even quarrelled! Sure, they bicker a lot and there is disagreement every single day, but they learn to disagree and their differences never make their love for each other any lesser. One thing I’ve come to realise is that my parents help set very high bars for my own relationships. Which can be good or bad, depending how you look at me. Most of the time, I’m ok with it. 

Friends whom I have once given encouragement to their breakups always end up patching things up with their guys. Have I mentioned before that I do not believe in patching up? Because you break up for a reason and the reason will always be there. You can ignore it but it’s still sitting there, waiting to explode for the seond time. A friend believes that everytime you break and patch up, things change for the better. Personally, I don’t see how that happens. Unless you close your eyes to what irks you in this relationship or you expect the man to change. Now, rule no. 1 to all girls, never ever expect a man to change. Ok, men may change but it’s gradual rather than overnight. My dad did change for the (much) better but he’s 56 now. He and my mum got married when he was 30 (and she was 23). It took him over 20 years to decide to change. So don’t expect him to change, or even worse, to change himself for you because he will not and you should not. How would you have liked him to want you to change for him? He will change if and when he wants to, although he may never. Just live with the fact.

Fortunately, whatever decisions my friends make in the end have no adverse after effect on our friendships. And the truth is, I’m happy as long as they are, and I support whatever decision they make as long as it’s not downright foolish. Afterall, we are in charge of our own lives and we are old enough to make our own mistakes if we have to.

But this makes me think if I am a heartless bitch.

Why is it so easy for me to say “sure, break up with him”? Is my stand so firm because I believe as firmly in everything I’ve just mentioned? Or because it isn’t my own life? Because I’m not the one who is going to cry myself to sleep at night or lose sleep over the lost relationship? Well, I don’t think so because if I don’t truly care about my friend, I won’t be listening to her lament. I’m so old that I no longer socialise and only surround myself with people who matter! I believe that I will only want her to be happy because that’s all that matters; life’s too short to be unhappy. Maybe that’s why I will do it if it’s in my case as well. Perhaps I may need to spend the next couple of months wallowing in the breakup pain, but that’s way better than the next 50 years in regret.  

You know what, I think it’s true. I’m probably just a heartless bitch.

And thats alright if I can be as fabulous.

And that's alright if I can be as fabulous.

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