1) He is in his 30s and doesn’t even have a girlfriend.

Ok, even I know that ‘s not convincing enough. Wait till I’m 30 and still single, does that immediately mean that I’m a lesbian? No, it sure doesn’t but wait, here’s some more:

2) Girls don’t seem to interest him AT ALL. He doesn’t talk about girls at all, but he will keep commenting on cute guys like how I will normally do. And I’m a girl. Like the time when he bought some second-hand handphone from one of those neighbourhood ah-beng stalls and according to him, the ah-beng was cute. The guy actually fumbled, forgot this and that and called my friend some fifteen minutes after he left and was already on the bus on his way home, asking him to return as he had forgotten to bill my friend on something. Normally, I swear that my friend will cuss and complain but instead he obediently turned back despite the inconvenience. I assume that was because the ah-beng was cute, as how he had mentioned it no less than three times pretty excitedly in the five minutes he took to convey the encounter.  

3) He doesn’t exactly have a “broken/limp wrist”, he doesn’t speak in a very soft voice, he can talk with his hands tied behind his back (read: doesn’t flail his hands all over the place when he talks), he doesn’t giggle like a girl. BUT he is very mindful of his own appearance (trust me, I’d the “luck” of dirtying his ceaseless shirt with ketchup once and he makes sure that I remember it, which brings about the next point), a bit petty and remembers all disputes like a woman, definitely bitches better than a woman, throws the occasional tantrums like a woman (though we can always push the blame to PMS) and really knows how to 撒娇 (can’t find the English word for this) to the rest of us (read: girls).   

4) He put wallpapers of semi-naked hunks with well-defined, to-kill-for abs on ALL the computers in the room. Which is actually really fine for the rest of us since we are all girls. But isn’t it a bit, hmm, queer that he didn’t choose bikini girls, but men like this:

5) He spends LOADS of money on LOADS of men’s magazines like Men’s Health and Men’s Fitness, many of which are imported and with covers like this: 

Sure, I like my men to come with hot bods, but even these are way too much for my taste.

Doesn’t these magazines just scream “gay”? They don’t? I think even my boss thinks so because recently when she was in the room using the computers (the doctors have long gotten used to the drool-worthy wallpapers), she spotted the magazines and asked who they belonged too. When told, she gave an incredulous look and said slowly, as if processing the information carefully in her brain and then *ding* making the “gay” link, “Oh, he reads this stuff?” Strictly speaking, it was a question but no one answered her. Everyone just buried their heads into their paperwork and pretended to be busy at work, seemingly avoiding the entire issue. Which always leaves me to wonder if the rest of the team knows of his actual sexual orientation after working together for more than five years. However, knowing my colleagues and how they like to keep their own private matters to themselves as well, I’ve a feeling that they all ponder about the same thing individually but never dare to bring it up for discussion.   

Besides, he’s not even close to being fit. Which means that he has not been reading the magazines for their fitness advice. Which suggests that he’s been using the magazines for some other purpose. Oh, I so do not wish to know. *cover my ears*

6) When poor Heath Ledger died from drug overdose early this year, he presumed that it was suicide due to clinical depression and that the late actor was depressed as he realised he was gay or turned gay after he shot “Brokeback Mountain” but couldn’t deal with nor accept it. In his own words, he said “it’s very hard to turn back once you’ve tried it”. Sounded like he spoke from experience. At that instant, it really felt like someone was blaring trumpets at my ears which screamed “GAY! GAY! GAY!!”.  

7) Yesterday, the group of us went to an old shopping complex during lunchtime as a colleague wanted to check out airfare prices from a travel agency there. On the way there, he was already hyping about some shop that sells underwear there. I didn’t really take him seriously initially because I was having an in-depth discussion about what to have for lunch with another starving colleague. While the colleague was in the travel agency, the rest of us stood outside, with my starving colleague and I pondering about food choices again. He wanted to find the directory to locate the shop as he didn’t know which level it was on, so the rest of us decided to go with him but we ended up accidentally finding the shop after turning the corner.  

Once I saw the shop, it blared “GAY!!!” to me again. Seriously, “gay” was like radiating from every single inch of its exterior. Once we stepped in, it was so painfully “gay” that it became fairly obvious, or so I thought. Fanciful men’s underwear of every design imaginable sat on the shelves or hung from the racks. And they were expensive. I don’t know but I can’t imagine the typical heterosexual guy on the street willing to spend such money on something that can’t be seen by others. Afterall men aren’t like women. We can spend tons on pretty lingerie because it makes us feel good and sexy. We can be mindlessly impractical. It doesn’t matter to us. But the average guy I know doesn’t even want to eat fast food because for the same amount, he can stuff himself more at the hawker centre.

But I guess it was the posters on the walls of the shop that seem to tell it all. When I spotted the poster for “Bangkok Love Story“, it was final.

Conclusion?

None of course. All purely speculations on my part, nothing based on hard evidence. Ah, wait, that just sounds wrong, no pun intended though. But anyway, I’m usually quite accurate when it comes to hunches and intuition because I’m quite sensitive and observant, and can often pick up nits and bits suggestive of the hidden truth. Then again, I’ve also been told that I’m overimaginative, close to being schizophrenic, so maybe I’m really wrong.

Urgh! If there’s anything I hate more, it’s not being able to know the truth! Which is why I hate magic tricks and shows! But that’s not the point! Urgh! My sis said I should just ask him and I was like, “What?! You mean I just go up to him and ask casually ‘so are you gay?’!!!” It’s just damn insane! I can never find the courage to do that!

But if anyone wants to offer their help and ask on my behalf, please go ahead and do so. Just please please please tell me his answer!

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