The hospital will be holding its audit in a couple of weeks’ time and it’s so annoying. There are so many things to memorise in case we suay suay bump into one of the auditors during the audit period and they ask us questions we never bother to think about. For me, it’s extra difficult because in the first place, I don’t even belong here! I am under another institution which has its headquarters in another hospital. I’m just one of those few who are posted here because our bosses are here. Hence for this upcoming audit, I have not receive any information about it nor have I been bugged by anyone to prepare for it.

In a way, I’m having an easier life than other colleagues because their managers and supervisors have been pestering them to read the Audit Bible (seriously, a manager called it the bible) and all the email updates on the audit, memorise every single bit of the bible and even test them on the facts now and then. It’s like school all over again! I have been spared of all this additional work but the unfortunate thing is that should I be faced with an auditor, I’m sure that I would flunk the entire affair! That is why my plans for the three crisis days will be to 1) take annual leave, 2) hide all day in my office where the auditors won’t come in (most likely be in the wards) or 3) activate my “flight or fight” mode (I prefer “flight“), i.e. learn to spot an auditor from far and run.

I have to give it to the committee in charge though. They were pretty creative in trying to make it easier for the staff to remember the crucial points. They even used mnemonics for some cases. My colleagues and I had great fun twisting the thing around haha. For example, the mnemonic for fire safety is RACES – namely rescue (people), (raise) alarm, call (the appropriate unit), extinguish (fire) and shut (down gas supply). We made up our own fire safety rules of

Run for your life!!!!!
Ahhhhhhhh!!!! (the typical sound one makes in the throat in times of fear)
Call the Fire Station (995) while running away
Escapes successfully
Sibeh heng!

See! Told you I’ll definitely fail the audit!

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