Thursday, May 8th, 2008


Wow the agnes b guy just called.

He sounded uber cute over the phone as well!

He ended the call with “Ok, BYE BYE!” in a super cheery voice.

Sooooo cute.

很多人觉得家庭幸福美满的人不应该有任何烦恼、忧虑。

纵使家庭看似美满,在背后仍然有不为人知的不足之地,但是因为不足的地方与它美好的地方相比起来变得微不足道,所以还是会觉得很幸福,更觉得应该要对生活感到满足了。

不过既是拥有了很多,还是不免会觉得空空的。

觉得自己应该幸福开心的人深知自己内心并不如此觉得,所以会因为心中那种忧忧的感觉而产生一种罪恶感,一种内疚。

忧上加忧。

周围的人都看似好正常地过着他们的人生,所以自己会觉得自己很奇怪。

忧上加忧。

But I’m not a born worrier. I never worry unnecessarily about anything. And I don’t have an anxiety issue. I don’t complain about my life either but something just doesn’t feel right.

就是很奇怪地无法逃出忧郁的魔掌。

最近突然又萌生了吸烟的念头。其实从少年期开始就有这种冲动,大概是叛逆心在作祟,总是想做一些不被大人批准的事情。只是这次的欲望更加重,从未有的重。或许因为已经成年了,觉得自己想做什么就做什么。其实无法明确地解释为什么有这种冲动,只是一直像想自己左手叼根烟、右手拿瓶啤酒的样子会是怎么样。好像Indie film对吧?我真的是个傻子。不过只要想起几年前刚刚戒了30,40年烟瘾的爸爸,就没办法了。连爸爸都不抽了,自己还有什么借口,况且也深知吸烟对身体健康的伤害,彻彻底底有害无益,香烟在新加坡又非常昂贵。心中的理智与恶魔做抗,理智是赢了,我希望胜利永远是它的。

那天妹妹有点难过地提起她一位非常要好,最近踏出社会工作的朋友开始吸烟了。因为对方是一名护士,所以妈妈格外惊讶。我淡淡地解释说其实医院有不少护士都吸烟而且生活也不是非常检点,不要看她们一身白,就真的以为她们是天使。妈妈可爱地说怎么可以这样,然后带点谴责的语气对我说,“你不不可以抽烟huh!”顿时间真的觉得妈妈是我肚子里的蛔虫,我什么都不说,她也会知道,真是厉害!(-.-)

或许因为同是天涯沦落人,所以虽然身份、地位、地理位置都差很远很远,我却非常喜欢读Jerry Fu的部落格。看似什么都有,但也被忧虑折磨,似乎有点可笑,但有点像自己的倒影。

或许看着别人也有淡淡忧郁,才能觉得自己正常。

What do you see???

NOTHING!

That’s the point: NOTHING!!!

Hip hip hurrays! Hip hip hurrays! Hip hip hurrays!

The repulsive colleague Ji Pu Sai went on a week-long holiday!

A WEEK! That’s 5 days of peace and tranquility!!!

Hip hip hurrays! Hip hip hurrays! Hip hip hurrays! *twirls round and round, sprinkling confetti and pulling party poppers*

Honestly, I don’t care where she went as long as she’s out of the office and out of my sight.

I can only hope that she’s going to HELL.

But sadly, I know she’s not and I know she’s at Australia. Not that I had bothered to ask her *ewww* or she told me *double the ewww*, but she made it a point to talk extremely loudly over the phone as she talked about her then impending trip to anyone who called her and, mind you, might not be willing to hear but obliged to hear. As a result, the entire office knew even though none of us gave a damn. (-.-)

It’s annoying like hell because she’s such a dirty show-off but honestly, currently I don’t care because SHE’S NOT HERE!

Hip hip hurrays! Hip hip hurrays! Hip hip hurrays! *pops champagne*

I’m very certain that I’ll have a great week ahead until next Thursday. This morning I met a colleague who sits in the opposite room and luckily for her, away from JPS, at the elevator when we came to work and she gave me a knowing wink before wishing me an enjoyable day at work. I bet it was because of this haha.

Went for my first CardioMix lesson last night. I’m still on my Yoga course (there’s no way I will give that up) but I figured that since I’ve time on my hands and wish to learn more, why not join Cyn and Siew on their Wed classes. Besides, CardioMix and Yoga are two very different types of workout and I really need to do more cardio exercises anyway.   

Of course it was dramatically different from the usual Yoga I do. For the latter, we limit our movements pretty much on the mat and any extension out of the mat by accident is actually considered as unprofessional. However, I found myself going all over the place at the class last night. No one was keeping still haha. I did find a lot of the movements pretty silly. That’s normal because when I first started practising yoga, I found myself feel like breaking into laughter all the time too. Once I get used to it, it’ll be better.  

The major difficulty which I faced, other than my slippery old pair of running shoes which I must replace by the next lesson, is my inability to differentiate the left from the right instantly. I need about 2 seconds to decide which is which. I need to hold up my writing hand which is the left to tell me that the other is the right. (-.-) Seriously. And my sis who has the same problem even though she’s right-handed laughed at me because she said she only needs ONE second. Ya lah, as if a lot better lidat haha. Hrmph, I bet it’s genetic *excuses*. Generally when my sis or I find any fault with ourselves, we tend to put the blame on my parents because they gave us “bad genes” haha. Anyway it makes it a bit hard to keep up with the class because the instructor will be going “Now, left/right!” and the rest of the class will move towards the correct direction while I’m still trying to figure out which is which. (-.-) Fortunately the class size is relatively big and last night I could 混水摸鱼 and just get away with it. Although I would like to improve upon it soon because 混水摸鱼 ain’t my style.

Anyway the girls were right about the instructor: he’s bloody cute. And Cyn’s right on the target about him resembling this TA we’d for my LSM1103 Biodiversity module in university. Strictly speaking, he was Cyn’s TA because I was in another group with another TA whom I couldn’t even remember at all. I only remember Cyn’s TA because I’d a major crush on him that semester haha, but well, he was married (my heart felt crushed when I spotted the ring on his finger haha). The resemblance is there: they are both big and beefy Malays with megawatt smiles, small eyes and loads of charisma. I seem to have a big thing for this package haha.

A quaint thing occurred though. I used to call that TA “Superman” (seriously haha) because his physique and smile made him look like a Malay version of Clark Kent. Yesterday, the instructor told a very bad joke about Superman because we did a strengthening exercise which looked like we were flying. At least I thought it was a joke, because it sure ain’t funny at all haha. On the other hand, Chandra is annoyingly funny. Annoying (in the fond way of course) sometimes because he makes us laugh when we are trying to focus and concentrate or maintain our balance/postures, and breaking into laughter destroys all that composure we’re trying to build. He tells jokes and he imitates people/advertisements. Damn hilarious, that fellow.  

But despite the failed attempt, I’m sure the new instructor has got a sense of humour (well most Malays I’ve met are funny) somewhere, sometimes. Well, only time will tell. (^_^)