Well, that’s for myself haha. Because my blog has been B-O-R-I-N-G, boring!
*sigh* My life has been quite a bit of a slum lately. All energy has been sapped out of me alive. I can hardly squeeze any creative juice out of my pathetic shrinking brain to blog. Yet I can still wake up early on Saturdays, put myself through the whole tiresome morning routine of prepping up, walk 15 minutes under the sadistic scorching sun to the CC for my yoga lesson and spend the next 80 minutes pushing myself to the limit and sweating my arse off. I guess I’m up for anything that can distract me from negative thoughts. Sleeping is also one good way, except when I dream about them and this had to happen just two nights ago. It was such a godamn depressing feeling – it’s worse than thinking about it when you’re awake because you can still control it, but when you are asleep and dreaming, you can’t force yourself awake and have to see your worst nightmare coming “true” right before your eyes.
Blogging is also a big no-no because you stop and think, and that’s bad because you’ll only be more susceptible to it. I speak of it just like how the people in Harry Potter’s world speak of Voldemort as He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named haha. Look, I’m not even making sense anymore. I think I’m really losing my balls over here. My sis’ currently doing a Psychology module in school and I saw her lecture notes on her desk yesterday. It was about the different kinds of disorders, like personality, eating, anxiety, mood disorders etc. We discussed and both agreed that I can’t be suffering from bipolar mood disorder since I don’t experience episodes of manic. I can’t be schizophrenic either because while I suffer from occasional delusions, I don’t have hallucinations. Her lecturer showed the class this interesting video of a patient who kept twirling his hair at the top of his head with his fingers as he talked to others. Apparently, he thought there was an antenna up there and he needed to keep adjusting it so that he could hear the “people up there” (aliens?) talk to him. *roll my eyes* Honestly! I don’t have that problem! My antenna’s working just fine! So she thinks I’m a case of dissociative identity disorder. Half of me agrees and half of me don’t. Could that be a sign??!! Anyway that day I read in the newspapers that there was a woman who had 17 different personalities! It’s so crazy! BUT she was actually cured eventually. There, I’ve hope!
Perhaps I just need to keep myself busy, keep myself moving, and hopefully just drop dead and die.
Ok, that last part was a joke.