I know that I haven’t blog in ages. It’s probably just 3 weeks but it’s still too long for a blog.

I can’t find the energy to blog anymore. In fact, I haven’t even thought of my blog for a long time. Sometimes I try to blog and I’ll write a few lines, and then give up. I’ve been feeling very lethargic for the past few weeks – I am extremely reluctant to pull myself out of bed every morning. I do get out of bed promptly at 630am, because I don’t wish to be later than usual for work, but with GREAT reluctance. Then on the bus journey to work, I’ll look like Sadako because I’ll sleep like a log and my hair will drape over my face. At work, I’ll actually fall asleep while reading documents! For some days, I actually took what we call Power Naps at Office Below (where everyone can slack publicly, as long as the bosses are not there), i.e. sleep on a huge comfortable armchair for 30 minutes after lunch.

This week has been much better. Even though I’m still very bored, at least I don’t feel so tired and sleepy at work. I guess it must have been all the tuition that I’d been giving for the past few weeks. Ah-boy was having his PSLEs and as usual, I was more gan cheong than he ever was. Looking back now, I guess you can call it a physically and mentally draining period. Not only was I devoting a lot of time after work to give him tuition many days and weeks in a row, there was also this stress that I was feeling as I am very worried that he won’t make the mark for the Express stream in secondary school. And he didn’t make it easier for me by whining and refusing to cooperate quite often, as he felt too tired after school (where he had remedial every day) to have tuition.

But now PSLEs are finally over and I’ve stopped giving tuition completely since 2 weeks ago. How long it has been since I look forward to this day! I started giving him tuition when he just entered primary school 6 years ago and was still a little boy. I would never forget how much he has raised my blood pressure over the years by being the naughty and rebellious boy that he was. I had even sworn that he has shortened my life span by at least 3 years cause he made me so angry most of the time. Those were the days when I really felt like giving him up. But fortunately for him (haha I don’t think he felt the same then though), I’m the determined type who never gives up. I had also felt then that he needed guidance, not just in studies, but also in life. And since I’m the silly type who believes in destiny, I think maybe I’m supposed to guide him along for these important years of his life as he shapes his character.

But honestly, it’s hard not to believe in destiny when the 2 families share similarities. Firstly, he is the eldest in his family and has 2 younger siblings – same as me. Secondly, he and his siblings are all 12 years younger than my siblings and I respectively! He and I are born in the Year of Pig, our younger siblings in Tiger and the youngest ones in Dragon. What a coincidence, right? And the weirdest thing is that if you scramble up the last 5 digits of my home phone number, you get his!

I’m really glad that I didn’t give up halfway. He has grown much more sensible this couple of years. I always like to take a lot of credit for that haha. It has been amazing watching the kids grow up over these 6 years. Sometimes I can’t believe that it has been 6 long years. It’s no wonder my mum always says that kids grow up very fast – it does seem very fast while you take care of and fuss over them. Now he’s already 164cm and at least 65kg – that’s like a whole lot bigger than I am!

I was so used to having their family in my life for the past 6 years, going to tuition on Mondays and Thursdays, that I actually suffered from mild redrawal symptoms for the 1st week when I stopped going. I miss the kids, especially my Ah-boy, and worry about whom he’s going to talk to when he has any question of any sort since I’m the one he usually consulted. Now I’m feeling much better. Afterall, it’s an extremely great feeling to be free every day after work! But I’ll try to be a part of his life for as long as I can and as long as he allows.

His dad would like me to teach his sister (Primary Two next year) but I’ve declined. It’s really too tiring for me and I appreciate the free time after work, even if all I do most of the nights is to sit there and watch TV with my family. Quality family time is very important to me. And, there’ll be no more days when I’ve to decline a friend’s request to go shopping or catch a movie after work because I’ve tuition! But strangely after I stop tuition, no one has asked me out during weekdays (except Fridays) yet. -_-

I was thinking of picking up a new course to learn a new skill, but I think I would put it on hold for a while, as I might not have the extra cash to do that for the time being. And I can’t decide what to learn! Last year, I was thinking of taking a jewelry-making course at NYFA. Last month, I wanted to learn keyboard. Then I thought of drums that I’ve always thought it as cool to pick up. Later, I felt that it might be more useful to learn Malay!

I can’t make up my mind!

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